The Storm Before the Calm

Well I thought I had a nice, quiet half hour or so to sit down and do some types. But, it seems my brain needs a bit of a rest from the endless busyness I’m enduring right now!

So just a quickish post.

The past three months for me have been all about buying a house. I’m sure a lot of you can relate to the stressfulness of all that business!

The good news is we finally got the keys 😀

There was relief and joy at first, which soon gave way to lots of frowning at things and manic list-making. It’s been a very busy 10 days!!

Luckily we have plenty of time to move in, though we’re aiming for this weekend. So this week we have to paint and wallpaper a room, get a carpet fitted, broadband installed, buy and install a cooker, fridge freezer, and washing machine, get all the curtains up, and move the rest of the furniture. As well as switch over the gas and electric supplier, arrange a water meter fitting, get the council tax set up, buy a TV license, and set up life insurance. After all that, get everything unpacked, clear all the junk the previous owner left in the garden, shed and attic, fix the shed roof, and move and settle the cat in ! Not forgetting a well-planned grocery shop so we can finally stop eating take-aways and ready meals !! Between all this I still have to go to work every day. And I somehow managed to plan and shoot a portrait session last week too.

Then when we’re finally in and everything is in place and sorted…There will be all the bills to keep on top of, cooking, cleaning, organising, budgeting, etc etc etc. But hopefully, there will be some calm 🙂

 

I imagine for a lot of people every day is like the week I’ve just had.

After graduating I really appreciated having the pace of my life slowed down a little. No deadlines and intensive to-do lists. As you can see from my previous posts about goals, my to-do list a few weeks ago involved things like taking photos and meditating! Those kinds of things have gone off the radar with all these other priorities suddenly coming along.

 

So my tip – consider the pace of your life. Do you feel busy and stressed all the time? Do you keep on top of things? Is there a never-ending to-do list that controls you? Do other people rely on you too much to sort things? What changes could you make to slow things down a little, or even speed them up if that’s the case?

I’ll certainly consider this once I’ve settled into my new home and life.

 

The next post/s will probably focus on quitting smoking. The plan is still to quit once I’ve fully moved in. It’s a daunting challenge! I think it will be beneficial to document the experience here – at least it will keep my hands busy!

Until next time…

Thanks for reading 🙂

 

Hypersensitivity?

I’m looking for people who can relate to being over-sensitive to stimuli, particularly noise.

“Hyperacusis” is an extreme aversion and hypersensitivity to sounds that are generally not an issue to others.”

(http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/hyperacusis/Pages/Introduction.aspx)

I haven’t really dug deep into the research on it, it’s just something on my mind at the moment.

Because:

I went to the cinema this evening. I noticed a while ago that some cinemas do Austism friendly screenings of films. This, among other adjustments, includes turning the volume down. So I half-jokingly say that I wish I could go to those, because these days I find films far too loud and jarring!

It’s one of those times when I have the dreaded, ‘Oh god, I’m turning into my mother!!’ thoughts. I’m almost certain she has hypersensitivity to sound. If the volume of music or the TV is one level above just-about-audible, then she complains non-stop. If someone is talking, or has the TV on, right on the other side of the house whilst she’s sleeping she’ll get up and shout at them. It was an absolute nightmare to live with!

I don’t know if I’ve inherited this sensitivity to auditory stimuli. It’s starting to seem like it now more than in the past. I understand part of it is due to age. There is that stereotype of the old person telling the kids to turn that darned racket down! Or over 20-somethings going into a nightclub and not appreciating the loudness of the music.

I love/d loud rock music, though not sure if enjoy it as much as I did a couple of years ago. Also, cats meowing and dogs barking – I don’t think that deeply irritated me in the past, but for the past year and a half (living with a very vocal cat, and three dogs), it’s been the bane of my life! (Seriously, this Siamese cat cries all hours of the day and night, and it really does my head in). The thing I’ve been looking forward to the most when I move house is the quietude. I just can’t wait for some peace and quiet! I will have my cat back living with me, so I’m going to have to re-train him not to meow during the night/early morning. My partner finds the cats and dogs highly irritating too. Everyone does really! So it is hard to tell whether I’m being hypersensitive, or whether the majority of people would have a similarly intense reaction to such sounds.

 

It’s certainly common to feel too sensitive to things like irritating noises and other unpleasant sensory input when you’re trying to sleep, or concentrate, or if you have anxiety. But when you start feeling like your daily existence and quality of life is being diminished because of over-sensitivity, then it’s something to pay attention to.

Actually, I think it is extremely common for people to be highly affected by obtrusive noise. My sister has just sold her house, and one of her main reasons for moving – noisy neighbours!

 

It would be good to have some input on this.

Do you think cinemas need to turn the volume down a notch? Do you find it very hard to sleep with noise? (I can’t fall asleep unless there’s the sound of a TV show/audiobook/music, yet other kinds of noises easily wake me up/keep me awake). Do you get overwhelmed in busy, bustling public places? Was loud music great in your younger years, but intolerable now? Does dog barking drive you bonkers? Leave a comment with your thoughts 🙂

 

 

Challenge Your Anxiety

If you suffer from an anxiety disorder then you know how much influence it has over your life, how it affects every aspect of it. Living with it can feel like having a constant dark cloud hanging above you. Or like carrying a bomb around, never knowing when it will suddenly start ticking or if it could explode. It’s an awful feeling that you just want to avoid. It can cause so much stress it can immobilize you. It’s like you’re walking to a destination, and everyone else appears to be walking on a nice, level path with each other, whilst you struggle up mountains and stumble your way through dangerous terrain alone.

Basically, it’s horrible!

And you should kick its ass!!

 

As someone with Social Anxiety Disorder I must admit I haven’t done much ass-kicking lately. The anxiety I feel is weaker and less frequent than it has been in the past. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a huge impact on my life though.

I’m coping with it currently because I don’t have to challenge it so much on a day to day basis. I go to work where I’m relatively comfortable and secure, go to places I’m familiar with, with people I’m familiar with. I hold back or steer clear of anything that could trigger it. I can’t get where I want to go because I’ve settled in my small comfort zone of my current situations. I’m too scared to venture out and face the unfamiliar and unpredictable, because that will involve battling through a storm of anxiety. It’s like I’d rather be relatively stress and anxiety free, than be fulfilled and happy.

If you feel the same, then we should be angry that we’re letting that thing try to imprison and control us!

Unfortunately there’s no simple solution, overnight cure, or fast-track course to get us to a life without it.

We have to understand it, and ourselves, and challenge it.

 

Firstly, forget the giant obstacles and think about the little ones. Think about the small ways you can challenge your anxiety. The tiny goals you can achieve (which aren’t tiny at all, because they all seem huge!)

Here’s an example – I seem to have a medical issue at the moment, something hasn’t quite been right the past fortnight. I hate phone calls, so I’ve put off making a doctors appointment. I know for a fact I’m a million times better with phone call anxiety than I was a few years ago, it’s no big deal. Yet I’ve fallen into old behaviours of just putting it off. It goes on my to do list, then I reason my way out of doing it. The appointment won’t be for weeks, I might get better by then, I’ll deal with the problem myself, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, there’s no point. If it turned out to be a serious medical condition, and the doctor told me I should have come in soon after showing symptoms to cure it more easily, then I’d be wondering why I let my anxiety screw me over like that! So tomorrow, I’ll make than appointment. I won’t let old habits and behaviours impact on something as important as my health.

 

My suggestion is to do something within the next couple of days that you know will trigger some anxiety. Or just consider a recent situation where you encountered it.

Then make some notes on each of these steps:

1. What the situation was, what you were doing, who was there, what occurred, what did you notice?
2. How did you feel? What emotions did you notice and how intense were they? What were your mental and physical reactions during those moments?
3. What were you thinking? Did you fall into unhelpful thinking habits, such as mind-reading, catastrophizing, criticizing yourself. What was your self-talk saying?
4. How did you respond to the anxiety? Did you try to avoid the situation, escape from it, or just feel trapped? Did you engage in safety behaviours? Did you try to hide you were feeling anxious?
5. What would a more objective and realistic perspective of the situation be? What would be an alternative way of looking at it? What do you imagine the thoughts of a non-anxious person to be in the same situation? What advice would you give a friend if they were in your shoes at that moment?
6. What was the outcome – What could you have done differently? What would have been the best response? What helped you deal with the situation and anxiety? How could you approach the situation better in the future?

This is the outline of a thought record, commonly used in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). If you Google image search ‘CBT thought records’, you could print them out yourself to fill in. There’s one here if you want a quick example.

 

Next week I’m going to step out of my comfort zone a couple of times, just to see how it feels. I recommend you do the same. Again, it doesn’t need to be jumping over a massive hurdle, just something that’s a little uncomfortable.

Next week I will:

Make a call to my GP

Go into a shop I’ve been in once or twice before, and one I’ve never been in before. (I’m really uncomfortable in unfamiliar places.)

Take some photos in the park. (I hate drawing attention to myself, so don’t often practice photography in public alone. I often see good photo ops when I’m out and don’t stop to take a quick photo because I’m too busy balancing up whether the photo is worth the bit of anxiety it may induce!)

Engage in a couple of conversations and ask people questions.  (Particularly with people I don’t know that well. People I’m comfortable with are easy, and complete strangers usually are too. With those in between I worry too much, especially about remembering details about them they may or may not have told me before. So lets get to know people better!)

 

I started this blog to share my thoughts on what I’ve learnt – from life, myself, others, the world. It would be fantastic to make even the smallest positive impact on someone’s life. Believing my self-help story could have some potential to help others help themselves really motivates me. So if you come across this and find it helpful then I’m really, really glad. Please excuse my level of coherence and succinctness, I’ll work on that! Thank you for taking the time to read my post J

When to Start/Stop a Habit

Think of a new habit you picked up. Or one you altered. Or a bad habit you eliminated…

When did that start?

Did you start January 1^st? On a Monday? When you started a new job? When you moved home?

Did you read a really compelling book about something which motivated you to make a change? Did a doctor give you medical advice that influenced you to alter your behaviour? Maybe a bad, or good, experience triggered you to take action.

These seem to be the most common times habit change occurs.

I broke my bad habit of consuming an energy drink a day by getting sick after drinking one. Whether the drink caused the sickness or not, that bad experience meant I never had another. It helped I was on holiday at the time too.

Then I picked up a bad habit when I changed jobs. I would rarely eat at Mcdonalds a few years ago. Now I’m ashamed to say I go there regularly. There’s one right by my workplace now, so at the end of the day, with my stomach growling and willpower depleted, I find it hard to resist the speed and convenience of their inadequate food!

 

So when have you managed to make or break a habit? Feel free to comment with your examples!

Do you find yourself saying things like, ‘I’ll start my diet on Monday’, ‘I’ll start running when the weather gets better’, or ‘I’ll give up smoking when work stops being so stressful’?

Sometimes it can be beneficial to wait until the time is right. Other times the time is never right. And other times it’s just an excuse (I can eat all this chocolate cake now because my diet doesn’t start til tomorrow!).

[No need to read beyond this point. To summarise, when I move house I plan to give up smoking, generally be more healthy in terms of diet and exercise, and maintain lots of good habits. It seems sound in theory, but we’ll see how it goes in practice. Good luck to me!]

 

I’m moving house in a few weeks, and have very, very high hopes that a change in situation and environment will be a catalyst for all kinds of positive changes.

The most challenging one is giving up smoking! I’ve been in a state of strategizing and attempting to quit for a long time now. No success so far – except for learning what works and what doesn’t. That’s a very important tip for habit change by the way. Don’t give up hope, just take your attempts as learning experiences until you find what really works. I learnt I simply can’t have access to tobacco if I don’t want to smoke. Also, that I pair other habits with smoking, such as working at the PC and drinking.

I have a fair amount of confidence that when I move I can leave it behind in my old life. The new environment and new daily routine will lessen the usual triggers I have now. I’ll have to be extremely careful with money so it will be stupid to continue wasting so much on smoking. Smoking will be banned in the house (where I live now it’s allowed in some rooms). I won’t be living with smokers (almost everyone in my current household is a smoker). My partner will be giving up at the same time (we can provide mutual support). I believe if I don’t take this opportunity and do maintain the habit in the new place that I probably will never quit smoking. It will help that in the first few weeks I will be very busy unpacking and decorating, therefore my mind and body will be suitably occupied. It will still be a challenge other times, such as in work, visiting my old house or parents place (my Dad is a smoker), and when I’m out and about. I’m not going to be hard on myself if I have the odd cigarette with someone, but I’ll have a rule that I won’t be able to buy a personal supply.

 

Will it work? I bloody well hope so!

 

My other plans are as equally life-changing.

My main method of exercising is using the Xbox Kinect and games such as YouShape. I’ve found this to be the most effective way to get myself to do structured exercise. I don’t currently have a full-time space to do this. When I move I’ll have a nice big living room with the TV and Kinect set up full time. I’ll also have time and privacy, so I can’t see there being any excuses.

Healthy eating: The only food available will be the food I buy. (And what my partner buys, so I’ll have to tell him to hide his snacks when he buys them!). Hopefully this full control over my fridge, my grocery list, and kitchen, will help in making better choices.

Good habits: These kinds of habits will be things like the one minute rule – if something takes less than a minute to do, such as tidying up or putting laundry away, then it should be done right away and not be left to build up. Then there’s habits like reading before bed rather than watching TV (we don’t plan on having a TV in the bedroom, which will take a while to get used to!). Meditating or writing will be easier habits to maintain because I’ll have more private space without disturbances.

 

So I’m going to be very mindful. The first few weeks will be crucial in taking advantage of this fresh start. I’ll have to track my habits and make sure bad ones are kept at bay. I see it as the beginning of the rest of my life, so hope it’s a good one!

 

I plan on writing regular updates on how this is working out.

Hopefully the strategies will provide useful insight into habit formation and sustainable change.

 

I’m not suggesting you move home to change your ways! Sometimes you just need a subtle change in your life to help you. For example, if you always find yourself buying a Greggs on the way to work, then change your route if you can so you don’t go past it. If you want to cut down on drinking but your social outings always involve a bar, then suggest to your friends going somewhere that doesn’t serve alcohol, or find new friends! Find ways to make your habit less convenient and less appealing.

Don’t keep food in your bedroom if you’re a late night snacker!One last thing.

I’ve heard that the most powerful strategy to change your habits is….getting pregnant!

Obviously once you become responsible for the health and wellbeing of your unborn offspring you tend to kick those unhealthy habits and take on healthier ones!

I don’t recommend getting pregnant just as a method of giving up smoking!

 

 

 

How Long is Your Commute?

Today’s post is about Podcasts!

 

My commute to work (on most days) takes one hour. I usually walk the 3.5 miles, and then spend 15-35 minutes getting home. I can’t believe I only just started listening to podcasts on my journeys a few months ago!

I highly recommend it. As great as listening to my favourite music and having valuable thinking time was, I’ve found listening to podcasts to be a great use of that time in my day.

I started off listening to Gretchen Rubin’s Happier podcast, after I found and read her books. I’ll do another post specifically related to her work in another post. She’s a big inspiration!

Once I caught up to the latest Happier podcast I started working through the Cracked Podcasts. I can’t recommend this one enough! The ones with David Wong are the best. I’m not too fussed on the ones to do with movies and popular culture, but they do a lot on society and culture which can be incredibly interesting.

In the beginning it was a bit of a pain – I had to remember to download the podcasts, then transfer them from my computer to my phone. When I forgot I’d use up a hefty amount of my data usage streaming them. I recently discovered a great solution – Podcast Republic. I’ll have to mention I have an aversion to Apple products, therefore would not download itunes! Now, before I get ready for work I check my subscriptions and download a couple of podcasts direct to my phone, so I can listen to them when I leave. Very handy!

 

So how long is your commute?

1-2 Hours? Try:

Cracked. The majority are 1-2 hours.

It’s hosted by Jack O’Brien, and he’s accompanied by various Cracked writers, my favourite being Jason Pargin, aka David Wong. He’s incredibly insightful and an easy voice to listen to! If you’ve ever read a Cracked article you’ll know what to expect.

Try these episodes: ‘The Economics of Brainwashing’, ‘Insane Coincidences That Shaped History’, ‘Statistics That Prove We’re Wrong About Everything’,  and ‘How Colors Control Your Mind’.

Just under an hour?

TED Radio Hour. Average of 52 minutes.

If you love TED talks you must listen to this podcast! It’s hosted by Guy Raz, and features snippets from TED talks and interviews. They’ll certainly give you a lot to ponder on during your hours in work.

I found these ones in particular very enlightening: ‘Simply Happy’, ‘Headspace’, and ‘The Source of Creativity’.

Half Hour-Ish?

First try out Happier. It’s hosted by Gretchen Rubin, and her sister, Elizabeth Craft. Gretchen is a writer, her latest books have been on human behaviour, particularly habits and happiness. Each week there’s a ‘try this at home’, and the sisters take it in turns to give themselves a happiness merit or de-merit. Check out the books, and website too, and find out what your tendency is – upholder, rebel, questioner or obliger?

Start from the beginning!

 

Life Habits. This one’s hosted by Karel Vredenburg. There’s 94 podcasts to date, so plenty of content to keep you occupied. There’s insight and tips into all aspects of life – work, creativity, relationships, motivation, everything!

Start from the beginning, or just pick or choose ones that might apply to you at the moment.

 

Hidden Brain. Average length 25 minutes. Another one by NPR. “A conversation about life’s unseen patterns”.

 

And another couple to look out for:

The Positive Psychology Podcast

The Minimalists Podcast

Optimal Living Daily

Meditation Minis Podast

Good Life Project

 

Please give me suggestions for more!!

 

 

 

Create a Goal Chart

We’re into February now.

How are your New Years Resolutions going?

Well done if you’re still keeping up with them!

 

I took a different approach this year.

Whilst Christmas shopping at The Range in December I spotted this children’s reward chart:

I thought I’d give it a try for tracking weekly goals. I’ve done this in the past, but I thought it might be more fun with a colourful chart and smiley stars!

Each week in January I set myself five mini-goals. Some would be about altering bad habits, e.g. sticking to Dry January and eating less chocolate. Others were about creating good habits, such as doing something each day I enjoyed and was rewarding in itself, so practising photography and reading.

If I collected 14 stars I could have a guilt-free dessert. If I collected 21 I could buy myself something, again with less guilt attached because I earned it. Then for 28+ I could collect a financial reward from my partner, which usually just meant him paying for a meal when we went out.

The reward aspect wasn’t important. The reward was just achieving the goals and feeling good about that.

The beneficial aspect was having those goals up on display and keeping track of them each day. It’s easy for me to say to myself I’ll read each day, but if I don’t remember and let it slip then it can be a while until I pick it up again. Having the chart on my bedroom door meant at the end of the day I could check what I had done, and if I hadn’t done it then I could probably fit it in before bed. When I set myself the goal of meditating each day I found myself not finding time during the day, so I mostly did it for 5-10 minutes before getting in bed.

Another benefit was that I could see what goals I could easily meet, and which were harder. I struggled limiting my chocolate intake, so I had to have a think about how to improve that. I started buying dark chocolate. This has worked out really well, because it’s not as more-ish as milk chocolate and it helps curb your appetite.

The downside is that habit tracking is a habit in itself. I’ve used a calendar before and put crosses and ticks based on whether I achieved my goals for the day. Other times I’ve just drawn out a chart. I can keep this up for a while, but all it takes is a day or two of forgetting and the motivation disappears to carry on with it.

The solution is to make it part of your routine, the easiest being your bedtime routine.

 

• Find a way to start tracking your goals, whether that’s using a colourful chart and stars, pen or paper, or even an app on your phone (there’s a couple of good ones available).
• Keep your chart in your bedroom, pinned to the door or on your bedside table perhaps.
• Review it when you get up.
• Then review it before you go to bed (it only takes a few seconds!)
• And if you do have a little time spare and you haven’t done something. like read 2 pages of a book or pick your laundry up from the floor, then go do it quick!

 

I’d love to hear your stories and strategies for habit change and goal tracking. Please feel free to leave a comment or contact me 🙂